Grotesque romantic gestures have always been our thing. We started off this relationship honestly being so sweet it was nauseating. I don’t know why that is. I think certain souls speak to each other in a language that says: “Spoil me. I love you. We deserve this.”

 

When we first met, instead of speaking- we would buy each other gifts. We loved game of thrones- she bought me wine- I bought her a plush drogon. We left our gifts for one another at our stations behind the bar at place to beach. Sometimes not even seeing each other. 

 

Our first Christmas I remember thinking Santa had lost his damned mind. We went super hard and everything was so thoughtful and well planned. Bottles of wine that had been carefully scraped clean with beautiful messages printed and pressed on to replace their labels. 

 

“Christmas with the Jugo’s”

“A very Mhysa Christmas” 

“Merry Christmas beba”

 

I’m not saying that love is measured by material things. It’s not. At all. But our love is shared and shown every day and on frequent occasion displayed with grotesquely romantic grand gestures. We simply cannot help ourselves. On a random Tuesday we’d buy each other small tokens of our immense affections for one another. Didn’t matter if it was gum or sneakers or a dress I thought she’d look pretty in- a ring she knew I’d been eyeing.  “Happy Tuesday Beba.” became the motto. 

 

And why wouldn’t  we ? 

We work hard. We romance harder. 

 

There was a long period in my life where I did not want to get married at all ever. To anyone. Under any circumstances. 

 

But… Amanda and I have been talking about our engagement since a full year before we ever said I love you, a year after we started dating. I had been dropping hints driving from Vegas to Utah, playing “Say it first” and that other song where the guy says “If all it is is 8 letters why is it so hard to say?”. Aggressively asking “Kiki do you love me?!”

 

I gave up and started bullying her, poolside at Amangiri on our one year anniversary, into admitting that she loved me so that I could say it back. I wasn’t saying it first. The words simply wouldn’t come despite how badly I wanted to say them. 

 

After three days of talking we saw a video of two girls proposing to each other while playing a game of charades. Neither knew that the other was planning their proposal. As the first girl stood at the easel drawing a ring, and the second girl got down on her knee we both sobbed. When the girl at the easel also pulled out her own ring our “awws” could be heard in New Jersey. I think we knew then. Over the last 4 years we developed a list of “absolutely not” and “definitely”: 

 

Definitely no tacky rings – if I was gonna do it I was gonna do it right. No one was going to look at our hands and wonder- they’d know without question. 

Absolutely no Valentine’s Day proposal. 

 

How were we supposed to top all of these romantic grandly grotesque gestures we’ve been collecting over 4 and a half years ?

 

We knew that we wanted it to be in a beautiful place and we knew that we wanted our proposals to closely follow one another (if not be simultaneous) like the girls playing charades. We agreed on Italy in September 2022. But that was so far away. 

 

We shopped for rings together but didn’t buy …  I walked out of Lauren B and immediately emailed our jeweler. Unbeknownst to me she was doing the same. The bands are identical in every aspect but the color. The diamond looks so similar that people think we bought matching rings. Amanda has an elongated cushion, I opted for an oval.

 

The idea of Italy became less and less romantic because we both knew it was coming. We had lost the element of surprise. I felt disappointed and thought about other options. When the opportunity presented itself, I planned a dramatic picnic where a photographer would be hiding not far away taking photos of us. I thought it would be nice if I said it first for once. A nod to Amanda for having softened me up. I hired a vendor who would set up a boho themed picnic with string lights pillows and lots of plumes. Who doesn’t love plumes (pampas grass). The date would be a random Tuesday of course: 4/5/2022.  Every time I had so much as a glass of wine I almost ratted myself out. A picnic has been on our list for quite some time, so Amanda had no idea. I planned on grabbing a blanket and a bottle of wine and taking a walk 100 yards from our beach house in San Diego. 

 

Cut to Amanda’s random Tuesday: 2/22/2022: 

 

I was being a complete brat all day. I had a headache. My eyes stung from staring at my computer. Everything was wrong. I was tired. I drank a pre-workout did a boot camp and tried to suck it up. I complained non stop, laughing thinking  to myself “Imagine this was the day and I’m being such a brat” but not truly thinking it was at all. On the way there to my surprise date my Uber reeked of cigarette. I arrived to a beautiful place called Sommwhere thinking I was seeing a Frank Sinatra cover orchestra by candle light. That’s where my detective skills had led me. 

 

I must have said “So cute!” 50 times by the time I realized what was happening.

Within 12 seconds I thought:

What is Amanda’s cousin doing here and why is he taking photos of me?

Is that a violinist? I always wanted to learn how to play violin.

Is she playing Young and Beautiful by Lana del Rey?

Definitely young and beautiful.

Ugh I love this song

OOh plumes!

Mmm cheese I’m so hungry.

Did Ashley do the arch? It’s so pretty.

Why am I crying?

Oh my god. 

 

All I could get out was “You’re so dumb.” between sobs. What can I say, I am romance.

 

Amanda pulled off my coat and walked me passed the largest grazing table I had ever seen in my life over to a beautifully decorated arch. So many plumes. She started speaking beautiful words and I tried to stop crying but cried more. She dropped to one knee and I dropped to both. 

 

“Yes.” I said. “I wish I had your ring”.  more tears. Amanda pulled me up from the floor and said lets eat.

 

“I wish I had your ring.” I said again, so happy and so devastated at the same time.

 

I hugged Giovanni and he said congratulations at a normal volume, then he whispered “I have your ring… her ring.. in my pocket.” I squinted and my eyes lit up. 

 

It pays to have your best friend hold the ring. Lauren had brought it that day when she was helping set up and hidden in the bathroom with Giovanni plotting the exchange. She was 95% sure I would want it.

 

“Ship it.” I told him.

“Your speech is in the bathroom”. 

“I’m gonna wing it.”

 

I had sent my proposal speech to Lauren when I wrote it in October. She had our friend Sara print it in calligraphy and hid it behind flowers in the bathroom. 

 

I told Amanda I was so ugly in the photos, she had to come back to the arch and take more. I dropped my San Diego picnic proposal in just about a split second and pulled the UNO reverse card. I couldn’t let my girl get down on the floor by herself and walk around for a month without a ring. I wished I hadn’t decided to wing it as I tried to remember the words to my speech. Once again I was down on the floor. 

 

On our first date Amanda took me for pizza at Fornino’s. I kissed her first, nervous as all hell. We made out against a wall outside of the restaurant. 

 

That night she recreated our first date. I could not have been happier to eat cold pizza. Our photos were printed and hanging everywhere.  Everything was perfect. 

 

As our people poured in to celebrate with us one by one singing “GOING TO THE CHAPEL AND WE’RE GONNA GET MARRIED” at the top of their lungs: I knew I’d made the right decision. Surrounded by everyone I love, we  had the happiest of all Happy Tuesdays. And a grotesquely romantic one at that. 

 

Photos to come.

 

Vikki, Natalie, Lauren, Nicole, Ashley, Giovanni, Jamie and everyone who kept this secret: I adore you. 

 

My Amanda, you are simply the best.